I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
