i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
