I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
