and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There's always time for handjobs
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
