So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
