My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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