She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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