Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
