she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
