craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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