A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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