She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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