another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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