Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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