Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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