So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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