Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
try to milk me bitch
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