all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
