If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
