I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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