Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
