yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
