a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
