I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
