Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm both gender and math confused
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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