Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
