just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
