they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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