Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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