You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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