we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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