hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
People in love make me want to vomit
Its about making memories worth repressing
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
