1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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