4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
