So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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