I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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