o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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