Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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