woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
