I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
