Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
