Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
