So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
