I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
