you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
