I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
