Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
