He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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