I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
