11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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