I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
