I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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